Lawyer Jokes

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solarguy
Posts: 82
Joined: Wed Jul 12, 2017 3:29 pm

Lawyer Jokes

Post by solarguy » Fri Jun 22, 2018 10:53 am

The lawyer and the children

A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner, who wanted to reoccupy the home. But he was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house.

When he said, he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place.

He couldn't say he had no children, because he couldn't lie (as we all know, lawyers cannot, and do not lie).

So, he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids.

He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent.

He loved one of the homes, and the price was right.

The agent asked: "How many children do you have?”

He answered: "Twelve."

The agent asked, "Where are the others?"

The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look, answered, “They're in the cemetery with their mother."

MORAL: It's not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words, and don't forget, most politicians are lawyers


and this one

A defense attorney had the prosecutor's star eyewitness on the stand for cross examination...
So, you sayou saw my guy the defendant and Harry Hurtguy get in a fight?
Yes
And this was in the bar?
NO
Where was it?
Behind the bar in the alley
And you saw them clearly?
Yes, well, pretty much.
OK. Was there a streetlight in the alley?
No
Was there light from the other stores or businesses in the alley?
No, sir
Was there a full moon?
No
Was there a lot of light from the stars?
No, it was overcast
Do you wear glasses? Corrective lenses
For driving
And for reading?
Yes
Do you own contact lenses?
No
Were you wearing you glasses at the time of this supposed attack?
No. They make me look geeky and i was trying to pick up chicks.
Where were you standing at the time that Mr. Hurtguy was supposedly attacked?
I was behind the dumpster
What was that?
I didn't want to be hurt in the fight that was about to happen
And it was nearly pitch black?
Yes, sir
And you were hiding behind the dumpster?
That's right
And you weren't wearing your glasses?
No
And it's your testimony that my guy bit off Mr. Hurtguy's ear?
That's correct
Now, in the dead of night, not wearing your glasses, hiding behind the dumpster, how are we supposed to believe you wheb you say that you are so sure that my guy bit off Hurtguy's ear? Answer me that!

Because when he walked by the dumpster, he spit it out and it landed right on the ground at my feet. It was pretty gross, really.



The moral of the story: don't ever ask a question the answer to which you don't already have.

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